


Glimpses

by N_Bennett



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: Cate Blanchett/Rooney Mara-freeform, Cate/Rooney-freeform, F/F, Lesbian Relationship, Lesbian Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-03-02 11:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 15,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13317483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Bennett/pseuds/N_Bennett
Summary: Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara obviously have sizzling chemistry both on and off screen. Something happened back in 2014 and it's difficult to imagine that it hasn't ended.  This is just my homage to the incredible connection that these two ladies have.*Obviously this is fiction and the story is from my own imagination...





	1. Home

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first try so please be gentle.

           The dark-haired passenger sat quietly in the back of the sleek town car watching as the urban landscape gave way to open rolling hills. She found the scenery very peaceful and she was surprised at how much she felt at home in this little hamlet with green hills and open spaces. She supposed she should feel at home here, having grown up in a little town outside of New York, but she always preferred living in the city with its sounds, its pulsating energy. Five years ago, she would’ve smirked and probably even laughed out loud if someone would’ve told her that she’d be wanting nothing more than what she was so anxiously waiting to arrive to. I mean really, dogs, pigs, chickens, and children?? But this past week in LA, with all the pretending and putting on an act with people who really weren’t worth a damn, had really cemented in her mind just how much this little corner of the world had come to mean to her. Love did things to you, wonderful unanticipated things. Rooney was never one to live in a fantasy world, often preferring to live in the here and now. Sure she played and pretended like every other child but there was always something very serious about her, an intensity boiling just below the surface. So when the car made that turn up that long driveway, she embraced the flutters in her stomach and barely waited for the car to stop before thanking the driver and grabbing her small bag from where it was sitting next to her on the backseat.

          Rooney made her way quickly up the stairs, the weariness of the half-day of travel long forgotten as she let herself in the front door. The house was surprisingly quiet and Rooney realized everyone was probably occupied doing something or other, besides she wasn’t expected until tomorrow anyway. She dropped her bag on the floor of the large entrance hall and went in search of someone.

          Rooney walked through the house, deciding to look in the sitting room as it was the room they seemed to spend the most time in. She was stopped dead in her tracks right at the doorway. Her breath seemed to catch in her lungs and those butterflies, well they were now a stampeding herd of horses. There, several feet away from her, the afternoon light coming in just so, the most breathtaking sight. A blonde woman with an equally blonde little girl nestled in her arms, both fast asleep. Rooney took a moment to just memorize every detail. The woman’s beauty was something to behold when she was awake, especially when she trained her gaze upon you, some would say it could stop traffic. But this, this was something else. Cate’s hair in a messy ponytail, tendrils escaping from everywhere, her face so peaceful and relaxed. Rooney couldn’t help moving her gaze further down and tracing along her chest, erect nipples straining against a very tight white t-shirt (Rooney loved when Cate forgot to wear a bra), they seemed to move tighter against the fabric with each breath. Rooney’s mouth suddenly went dry and she must’ve drawn in a very audible breath because a pair of very bright blue eyes opened and focused right on her, “Mama are you home?”

“Yes, love bug I’m home,” was Rooney’s reply. No words could’ve felt more perfect.


	2. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is truly a first try for me and I welcome your kind words as well as your criticism.  
> I am inspired and this is coming quickly.

          The word “mama” coming from her little daughter’s mouth made its way into Cate’s consciousness, breaking through the deep sleep she was in. No, it was not the sweet lilt in Edith’s voice that awoke her but that word. Not only was it different from the typical “Mum” she frequently called her but what made it so unique was the sheer promise and love it held. Cate did not open her eyes immediately, preferring to take just an extra moment to enjoy the way her heart seemed to soar at not only that word but at how comfortably Rooney had replied. She thought briefly at how not so long ago, she was the one that had put on the full court press on Rooney and had for several months relentlessly pursued her, putting on her famous Blanchett charm. Little did she know, that charm was not what she needed most, sure it helped, but it was the real moments and real glimpses to the core of her that had ultimately won Rooney over.

          Cate opened her eyes as Edith climbed off her lap and ran to launch herself into Rooney’s waiting arms. She watched as the younger woman effortlessly picked the girl up and swung her up in her arms, causing Edith to laugh, a move that she had done countless of times but always elicited laughter. Cate took her all in, the slightly tousled hair, the rumpled oversize black sweatshirt, tight black jeans and Rooney’s favorite black Converse sneakers. She met Rooney’s green eyes, rose from the chair and made her way to her favorite girls. Cate didn’t break eye contact as she padded barefoot over to Rooney and wrapped her arms easily around both of them meeting Rooney’s soft lips with her own. They seemed to open of their own volition and she felt Rooney’s warm tongue trace her bottom lip. Immediately she felt it deep in her gut, a primal stirring that still to this day surprised the hell out of her. She broke the kiss before she could let out a moan and instead said, “hey you, welcome home, we missed you.” It was then that Edith chimed in, “we planted a new garden.” Rooney stepped back out of Cate’s embrace, turning around on her heel, brushing the outside of her arm across Cate’s breasts. Immediately she felt it and reacted to it, and she wondered if Rooney did it accidently. She looked up, Rooney turned around and met her gaze with a distinct twinkle in her eyes and Cate knew that it in fact had not been an accident.

“Come on Blanchett, show me this garden of yours,” Cate couldn’t keep her eyes off of Rooney’s delectable arse as she sauntered away knowing exactly what she was doing to her and also knowing that it would be some time before she could welcome her home properly.

           It was with great excitement that Cate and Edith showed Rooney their valiant attempts at a small winter garden, which was just uneven mounds of dirt in a rather large bright red wooden box with yellow shapes painted all around. Edith immediately asked to be let down and she went to inspect their handiwork. “Iggy, Edie, Dash and I gave it a go on yesterday, a little weekend project,” Cate said this with great pride as it was an achievement in itself getting Dash to do anything with her, let alone be in the same room with her. “I played a bit of a carpenter, not bad workmanship if I may say so.” She was rambling on, she knew. Edith handed Rooney a shovel and she proceeded to show her how to “dig properly.”

“I’m not surprised actually, you are very good with your hands,” Rooney replied without breaking her attention towards Edith.

          They both fell into companionable silence, taking directions and orders from Edith as she dug in the dirt and filled cups with water. Iggy arrived home and gave Rooney an exuberant hug. It gave Cate an incredibly warm feeling to witness just how much her younger two children had taken to Rooney, Ro was just as taken with her but his visits home from boarding school were few and far in between. It was her oldest son that was still incredibly angry and resentful. She shook the melancholy away, refusing to let it mar this incredibly light moment.

         Iggy went inside and returned with the small gifts Rooney brought back from LA for them. He enthusiastically began helping with the garden and soon, much to Cate’s surprise, it turned into a water fight. The two younger children turning all of their might against the two adults. There was a plenty of dirt, very cold water and a lot of laughter involved. This was all so new to Cate, for many years this had been missing from her life, sheer unadulterated fun and enjoyment. She wasn’t Cate the Actress, Cate the Boss, Cate the Decision Maker, now she was just Cate. They ran and all played together for about an hour when the nanny came to take the children indoors to get washed up and ready for dinner.

          Cate did not need to know what was on Rooney’s mind when she laced her fingers with hers and led her up to the bathroom suite bypassing their bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me hear it.


	3. Furor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me hear it. It's awfully silent out there. Should I continue??

          Rooney took Cate’s hand in her own and led her towards the stairs. It took Cate some effort to keep up with her, usually it was the other way around, Rooney trying to keep up with Cate’s much longer stride. Rooney pulled Cate passed their large bright airy bedroom into the adjoining bathroom suite. Rooney released Cate’s hand to turn the water in the shower adjusting the warmth. Rooney turned back to face Cate, the look of sheer hunger in her eyes causing Cate to draw in a breath, her mouth suddenly going dry at the intensity of Rooney’s gaze. Rooney did not break eye contact as she walked up to Cate, stopping mere inches away from her. Rooney reached over, so very sure of herself and put her fingertips on Cate’s firm abdomen, Rooney’s warm fingers a sharp contrast to her cold, wet skin. Rooney traced a trail upwards, feeling each contour of Cate’s skin all the while pushing the wet shirt higher and higher. Soon the shirt made its way over her breasts, ever so slowly the fabric brushed over her erect nipples, causing her to shiver involuntarily. Rooney broke eye contact to watch the effect that movement had on Cate and she licked her lips, Cate desperately hoping she would put her mouth there but she finished raising the shirt, her fingertips instead tracing Cate's sides, finally freeing her of it. Next her yoga pants followed the same slow tortuous journey down her hips and her legs.

          Cate stepped out of her wet muddy clothes, reaching for Rooney so that she could return the favor but she stilled Cate's hands, removing her own clothes, grabbing both of Cate's hands and stepping under the warm shower. Cate made a move to reach for her again, but Rooney moved away from her, this time speaking, "I want you clean, Blanchett." Cate found her voice, "you'd better do a good job," playing along, letting Rooney continue to take the lead, which had been a new and developing aspect of their relationship.

          "Oh, I intend to be very thorough," was Rooney's reply as she reached for the soap, lathering up her hands choosing to forgo the shower sponge.

          Rooney began at Cate's throat, almost reverently touching each dip of her collarbone, unable to resist licking the notch right where both meet. Rooney raised her head and continued to move her hands downwards, onto her breasts, rolling each aching nipple between her thumb and forefinger at an excruciatingly slow pace. Cate felt like she was going to combust right there, "please," came out half whisper, half prayer. Rooney responded by releasing one nipple and putting her left hand on her back and pulling her closer, covering her with her whole mouth all the continuing her ministrations to her right breast. Rooney laved her tongue all around, licking, biting and softly sucking. Soon Rooney released one breast and moved on to the other, paying it just as much attention.

          Rooney followed the rivulets of water down Cate's body with her free hand, her mouth still on her, finding the warmth of Cate's swollen folds. Tracing with one finger the outside of each lip, gentle light touches. One finger became two, feeling, exploring and finally pushed so slowly in and out of Cate's wetness. Rooney increased her pace and Cate was thankful for the strong arm holding her up for surely her knees would've buckled.

          "Fffffuuuuckkk," Cate could feel the pressure building with Rooney's deft fingers and the sensation of the falling water, she knew that it was going to be fierce. It was right there, Cate was on the edge, and about to cum when suddenly Rooney stopped. Cate's eyes flew open, when with authority Rooney ordered her to kneel. Cate was dizzy with lust but complied as Rooney began to lather Cate's hair, feeling her scalp, massaging her head. This was certainly very new to Cate, the intimacy and eroticism of the act itself made this even more intense.

          Soon Rooney finished and was standing in front of her, she leaned down and placed her mouth on hers, tracing the inside, slowly moving her tongue all around. Rooney guided Cate off of her knees, shut the shower off and was surprised when the taller woman scooped her up and carried her into the bedroom falling in a wet heap onto the bed.

 


	4. Repletion

          Cate placed Rooney on the bed and covered her lithe compact body with her own, unable to hold back any longer.  She met the younger woman's mouth with her own in a crushing kiss, pushing her tongue roughly into her mouth, letting her know that she was far from finished with their lovemaking. For a moment Rooney acquiesced, her lips becoming pliant as she let out a moan but that seemed to break her out of her trance. With a strength and quickness she herself didn't know she even had, Rooney flipped Cate on her back.  Rooney straddled her, their fevered centers aligned with one another as Rooney began to rock back and forth, the sheer intensity of the friction making Rooney increase her pace.  She was incredibly limber and graceful in her movements, years of dance lessons and later yoga enabling her to move her hips in a way that she knew was driving Cate to the edge again. Rooney could feel the climax nearing and normally she would've not denied herself, but right now was about Cate and showing her just how much adored her. 

        Rooney stopped her movements and traced her lips down the side of Cate's neck, unable to resist sucking and biting that point right where her chest swelled to her breasts, taking pride in the mark of possession she most undoubtedly would leave.  Rooney took great pleasure in marking Cate.  Rooney knew that it was something that Cate secretly liked because the older woman never covered up the love bites she had been given. The younger woman finished and moved her soft lips down firm abdomen muscles, they seemed to tighten more as she kissed them. She could barely control herself as she settled herself between Cate's legs, her mouth absolutely watering in anticipation of sampling her sweet juices. Rooney looked up and Cate watching her, licked her lips and buried her face in light blonde folds, the patience of earlier long forgotten.  She just needed to taste and lick, she couldn't get enough.  She was addicted to the sweet smell and taste, she thought Cate's pussy tasted like honey (it had been years since she'd eaten honey but she was sure this was far better).  Rooney's tongue was long and soft, it seemed to wrap itself around her swollen clit.  Cate's hips were almost levitating off of the bed and Rooney took one hand opening her lips wider, continuing her assault. Cate's breaths were quick and choppy, Rooney knew that she was very close, so she reached up and simultaneously pinched a nipple and sucked hard on the clit.  That little move proved enough to send Cate hurtling off the edge into the abyss, "Oh, Rooney".  

        Cate was flushed and red from her orgasm, her wet hair plastered in all directions across her neck and face.  "Come here, Baby."  She rarely called Rooney by a pet name but when she said "baby" in that Aussie drawl, it always caused her heart to soar a little bit.  Cate guided Rooney up her body and settled her straddling her lap, both women facing each other eye to eye.   She put her hands on the younger woman's hips and began moving her back and forth.  "Ummm, like that.  You are so fucking sexy Rooney, I could never tire of your beautiful body."  The pace became faster, Rooney taking pleasure in Cate's words.  Neither of them were big on talking during sex with past partners but there was just something about their coupling that allowed them not to hold back. Rooney could feel a tightening in her stomach, she knew it wouldn't be long.  Cate's eyes were both a little glassy but incredibly focused as they both fell headlong into a crushing orgasm. 

          "Cate, I love you." A bit of silence and Rooney decided not to take notice as Cate kissed her sweetly and softly on the lips, "we'd better get downstairs."  

        Both women quickly got dressed, relaxed and satiated ready to share a meal with the kids.  Cate finished before Rooney and walked down ahead of her, the travel and the activities of the afternoon catching up with her. 

        Rooney arrived to the kitchen with dinner in full swing, a knowing look coming from Amanda, the kids' nanny, "I was about to send a search party."  Cate met her eyes across the room and smiled at the blush that crept up her neck.  She tried to act, (ha, act!) cool and collected as she sat next to Iggy and proceeded to join in on the family dinner. 


	5. Recollection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does she or doesn't she? Please stay tuned, keep reading. I love your comments!

          After stories, washing faces and tucking in, Cate made her way to the bedroom hoping to spend a little time with Rooney and talk. During dinner, she noticed that the younger woman had been somewhat quieter than usual but Cate figured that it was probably exhaustion from her travel combined with their afternoon activities. A shiver went down Cate’s spine as she recalled the ferocity of Rooney’s lovemaking, each time truly felt like a new discovery.

          Cate walked in the room to find Rooney fast asleep on top of the covers, still in the same clothes she had changed into earlier. She took a quilt her mother made, unfolded and covered Rooney with it. She sat for a moment next to her, the shifting of the bed not even stirring the sleeping woman. She watched as Rooney slept and could not help it when she reached over and moved a lock of hair that had fallen over her eyes. Cate was not a frivolous person, very grounded, not prone to sentimentalities, often preferring to just get on with it. She found it far more important to live life in the here and now but she allowed herself this moment to let down her guard just a little bit and experience the deep feelings she had for this woman. She mentally kicked herself for not responding to Rooney’s earlier declaration of love, and she had yet to really verbalize how much she meant to her. If she was being truly honest with herself, she was scared. Maybe she did not want to upset the balance of her fortunes, for this life she had right now was even more perfect than she could ever have imagined for herself. As she was pragmatic, she was almost just as superstitious about tempting the fates. Cate knew with absolute certainty that she did not want to share herself or her life with anyone else. When she met Rooney for the first time, she felt an immediate something, she couldn’t really place a name to it, but nonetheless she felt it then and she continued to feel it more each day. She remembered the first time they really spent alone together in each other’s company.

 

_Cincinnati, Ohio-Boca Restaurant, March 2014_

_Cate breezed into the restaurant at 7:55 pm, five minutes earlier than she had written in her text to Rooney. For a moment, she wasn’t sure that the younger woman would show as she did not get a response to her request, well it wasn’t really a request._

_x Dinner, tonight 8, Boca x_

_She didn’t want to give Rooney a chance to make an excuse and not accept, because she had sensed that was a distinct probability. Rooney had been somewhat quiet and standoffish so far and when Cate made attempts to interact with her on a personal level, she could feel the nervousness radiating from her. She knew that Rooney was intense and she had heard that she could be a little difficult but she also was certain that no other person could embody the role of Therese Belivet. This was her intent for dinner, to somehow make her feel more at ease and comfortable around her because they were going to interact on a whole deeper level than just conversation. She hoped they could at least have dinner and if she was successful, Rooney would utter more than a handful of words to her._

_Cate made her way to the host and was pleasantly surprised to discover that Rooney had already arrived. She made her way through the darkened restaurant to a corner table near the back and she was surprised yet again when Rooney rose from the table, giving her a welcoming smile as they both sat down. “I’m so glad you came Rooney. I was worried I was going to be late, you know Ignatius, Iggy, that’s my youngest, well he had a touch of the sniffles.” She was blathering on, she knew but suddenly she was the one that was very nervous under Rooney’s unwavering gaze. “You look very nice tonight…erm would you like some wine?” Cate did take notice of how good she looked, in an all black, long-sleeved dress that covered every inch of her skin and her long dark hair flowing loose over her shoulders. She thought Rooney did in fact look like an angel, her skin appearing almost translucent in the glowing candlelight. Why the hell am I noticing her skin, Cate asked herself in annoyance. She tried to cover up her by looking over her shoulder for the server._  
_Rooney just smiled and replied, "well it's certainly not plaid and tweed. You look good too, but then again you always look good." Their eyes met across the table and there was a ripple in the space between them. Just then the server arrived with the drink selection, interrupting whatever that was._

_It didn't happen again that night, however, and they had a wonderful meal, drank a couple of bottles of wine and didn't talk about the film. Instead they chose to talk about things people usually talk about when first getting to know each other. Cate found Rooney incredibly intelligent and despite her quiet demeanor, very well spoken. The time went by so quickly, neither of them in a hurry to see the night end. They both settled into an easiness and did not seem to lack conversation. They stayed until the restaurant closed, both walking to the door closely, shoulders almost touching. Just when Cate didn't think she could be more astonished, Rooney reached over for her, wrapped her arms around her waist and brushed her lips across her cheek in a feather-light touch._

_"Good night Cate, I'll be seeing you," and she walked out of the door, into the night. This time it was Cate that was a little awestruck and feeling a stirring deep within her stomach that she had not felt in a long time, if ever (she was sure it was too much wine and the late night)._

     

          Cate tucked the quilt tighter around the slumbering woman, and whispered, "You complete me Rooney Mara." She rose from the bed, turned off the light and settled into a deep content sleep.


	6. Moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are beginning to heat up.

_UK, August 2014_

            It had been difficult to settle on a date for this little getaway due to various obligations and differing schedules.  She had pulled out all the stops in planning, wanting to make this evening and night romantic, renting an ultra-private suite.  She had to call in a couple of favors and pull some strings in order to secure it but she made sure everything was to be perfect.  It had been much too long since she had Cate and she was craving her. 

             It was a little unexpected that their relationship had continued after they wrapped shooting _Carol_ earlier in the year.  It had started and it was, yes professional, but she could never describe it as strictly professional as there was always a heat sizzling just below the surface.  During production, they worked incredibly well together, always on the same page, in tune to what the other was thinking without actually having to say the words.  Rooney felt incredibly fortunate to be working alongside her childhood hero and if she was being totally honest with herself, the first person she ever had a real crush on.  The experience was somewhat surreal but so much more than that.  She fell deeper entranced every day that she spent near her and even when she didn’t share scenes with her, she found herself sneaking to set and watching from a distance without anyone noticing.  

                Rooney played it off and tried not to show how she was feeling, that truly was her best acting to date.  Cate just had a way about her, her presence, the way that she made you feel like the most important person in the world.  So when their connection only seemed to get stronger as the days went on, she allowed herself to let Cate in more and more.   It wasn’t a surprise to her that she let herself become seduced by the intimacy of the situation but also by Cate. She guessed that what Cate wanted, Cate probably usually got. She was a completely willing participant in their hookups during production. It was happened just a couple of times and Rooney didn’t dare ask for it to continue, although she wanted it to. Cate was the one that made the first move when she called her a few days before Cannes and asked if she wanted to meet for drinks.  That night, however, drinks led to an incredible two days in bed together.  The sex was amazing, on a whole other level, something she had not experienced before, so when Cate proposed that they meet when they could, “it will only be casual, you understand,” Rooney agreed immediately.

                They met a couple of more times, once for a few hours before Cate had an appearance and another time for a morning when Rooney was in town.  Both times had been incredible and it had been harder and harder for Rooney to let Cate go.  So when Cate texted Rooney to let her know she was free for the whole night, the younger woman worked hard to have something special planned.    

 _x Running late, sorry. x_  

                Rooney heard her phone ping, read the text, threw her phone down next to her and she sighed.  Rooney tried not to let it sting, so she decided to open the bottle of champagne that was chilling and have a drink while she waited and watched the sun go down alone.

             It was dark, the playlist Rooney had put on was already on its second go ‘round, and the champagne was nearly gone when Cate arrived.  She looked at the lit candles around the room, by this time they too were half burned, and she commented, "I don't know why you went to all this trouble Rooney."  

             "I missed you Cate and because you're worth all this trouble," it was the closest Rooney had ever come to telling her how she felt. So she tried to quickly cover up the slip and made her way to embrace the taller woman and kiss her. At first Cate was a little resistant, Rooney noticed, but the champagne she drank emboldened her to deepen the kiss.   
           

              Rooney stepped away from her and began to unbutton her blouse, taking extra time to shrug it off. She took notice at the look in Cate’s eyes, was it regret? It soon gave way to a look she was more familiar with, absolute lust. Rooney chose to remove her bra, and begin to touch her own breasts, “Didn’t you miss me Cate,” she asked in a low sexy voice with a little pout. Cate licked her lips and watched as Rooney’s nipples became rock hard.

             “Get your sexy ass over here, Baby” was Cate’s husky reply as she walked up to her, pushed her against the wall, where they proceeded to fuck the daylights out of each other. There was nothing sweet or gentle about it and there was intensity to its rough hands, fingers and sheer force.

            It was a couple of hours later, both women sitting on the sofa of the suite (they moved to the floor and never really made it to a soft comfortable surface), Cate gathered her clothes not yet meeting Rooney in the eye. Rooney wondered at this and she continued to watch her, refusing to cover up. Finally Cate met her eyes with the same look and Rooney now knew it was regret mixed with tenderness.

“Rooney, we need to talk. Please get dressed, there are things that need to be said.”

“Whatever it is you need to say, just say it. I’m not a fucking child Cate.” Rooney met her gaze straight away.

“I think I may have given you the wrong idea, I think you are making this much more than what it really is.” That really stung and when Rooney felt hurt, she chose to hurt back, “so I have the wrong idea right now, I’m sorry did I just fuck myself?”

“That’s not what I meant Rooney. What I meant to say is that my life is crazy and it’s going to get much more complicated and I think you may want more of my time than I am able to give.”

“I never asked anything of you Cate, do you think your life is the only one that matters? How about mine? Have you stopped to think about that?” Rooney got up and turned her back to the room. Cate walked up to her, turned her around and pulled her into her arms.

“I’m sorry, let’s not spend what little time we have together arguing, alright?” She put a finger under Rooney’s chin and lifted her face in a sweet kiss. The argument long forgotten by the time Cate broke the kiss and led Rooney to make use of the large king-sized bed.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying.


	7. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are certainly getting complicated between these two ladies.

_Sydney, Spring 2015_

         Winter soon gave way to spring and the Blanchett-Upton household grew by one.  Everyone was just enamored with little Edith and Cate was so very proud of how well the boys had made the infant a part of their unit. Cate's days were filled with diapers, preparing lunches and shuttling children back and forth between school and various activities.  She preferred to be hands on and did not outsource any task involving her children. It was certainly very chaotic but Cate cherished every moment.  Her children were the center of her world and she made every effort to make life as normal as possible for them.  She was very thankful, for if it weren't for her full family life, she would've been far less put together.

        Andrew had withdrawn from her, none of their past rapport and friendship evident. Although he knew about Rooney from the beginning, Cate confided in him one night that it had somehow become more than just casual encounters. Maybe she was feeling particularly vulnerable because that morning she had received a harsh text from Rooney expressing her anger at having to learn about Edith's adoption through the press. Of course Andrew didn't really care about any of it, he figured she would soon tire and become bored. All that mattered to him was that Cate remained discrete; that it didn't affect her brand and earning potential, or reflect poorly on him.

       So she put all her energy towards her children, hoping that by being exhausted, she wouldn't notice the space Rooney's withdrawal had created.  It was late at night, when everyone was asleep and the house was quiet that thoughts of dark hair, and porcelain skin managed to creep in. She sometimes would dream of her, the way her breath would catch just before she came or the way her eyes burned as she’d make love to Cate with her mouth. There were many times Cate would wake up heated with want, with a pent up pressure and an ache in her chest.  After that initial text, Cate tried to placate Rooney and to assure her that nothing had to change. 

         It was fortuitous when Cate found herself in LA promoting _Cinderella_ over a couple of days alone without the kids. She had called Rooney like before and asked that they meet. They didn't get to talk properly at first because when they were near one another they always inevitably managed to end up naked. Cate thought things were just as they had always been, passion filled encounters when they were both free. She couldn't have been more wrong, after their frenzied coupling, Rooney told her she was done with all of it. She had called her selfish, out of touch and she accused her of "wanting her cake and eat it too."  Whatever the hell that meant. Cate left her and returned to Sydney, believing that Rooney was just having a bit of a fit and she would soon get over it. Cate tried the usual methods of apology, flowers, gifts, texts and even called her a couple of times but her messages remained unanswered. 

           So Cate did the only thing she knew, she moved forward with her days, carrying on with her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the very nice comments. Please keep commenting. The more I get, the faster I will post. :)


	8. Politesse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd try a different style, I hope you enjoy.

_Cannes, May 2015_

 

         The car pulled to a stop and the door was opened, this was all happening way too fast for me. I can't catch my breath and I can barely see straight. I've been dreading this for days, even Charlie has noticed. He thinks I'm just nervous because I haven't seen the film yet, if only it was that simple. 

          I haven't seen her in seventy-one days, I feel like such an idiot for counting. I try to clear my head, take a deep breath and step out of the car. _Goddammit, this fucking buckle._ I reach back, I can't get the buckle on the back of my dress straight, but I’m thankful to keep my hands busy so no one sees how much they're shaking. Immediately I hear chaos, people not only yelling my name but yelling hers too. Did she just arrive? _Fuck,_ I had hoped to prepare myself before seeing her.  I look over my shoulder, but there is no one there.  I follow CT and then I see Cate, she is just as beautiful, her hair has grown a bit, I try to ignore the lurch in my stomach.

           I square my shoulders, I'm not going to let her see me tremble. I reach the top of the steps, she sees me and her face lights up in a grin, like the past few months haven't happened.  So that's how we're going to play it?  She tries to hold on to me but I release her quickly to hug Todd.  I spend more time embracing him because I genuinely am happy to see him. 

" You look good," she rubs my arm.  Immediately I get goose bumps but I play along. I rub her arm back. This feels so fucking awkward, Hylda and Lisa standing watch like a couple of sentinels. I’m so glad I decided to wear sunglasses so nobody can see my eyes. This is so weird. It's time to move on and I just want to get this thing over with. 

         There are so many photographers, I've never seen so many and they're all yelling, clamoring for our attention.  Thank God Todd is standing between us. He must feel my nervousness and he gives me a little reassuring squeeze. I don't even think Cate cares I'm here, she is so engrossed in posing, smiling, completely in her element. How can she stand there and act like everything is normal? Well I guess that's what makes her Cate Blanchett, the ability to put on whatever mask she wants for others to see, this I know too well. 

          They want photos of both of us standing next to each other. I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I would rather be anywhere but here. It would not be good for the press to notice as so much of this film is based on the story of Carol and Therese. It pisses me off that when Todd moves away she tries to take ahold my hand. Am I supposed to bend to her will yet again?  I see the flash of hurt in her eyes but I have to remember that this is all one big show.

            Cate's arm is around my waist, it’s so sure and strong, she smells so good. I feel the little brush she gives me on the side of my waist all the way down to my toes. To everyone else it looks like she is just adjusting her grip but she knows exactly what she is doing. I can't even hide it from her and I try to cover up by looking to the photographers behind us. I feel her eyes on me and can see through the corner of my eye her knowing smile. I hate the fact that I can't turn off my reaction to her, there is just this inexplicable pull that exists between us. I know the cameras are capturing something, for it is alive and palpable between us. I feel her gaze on me and I know she feels it, too. 

            The day continues on, interviews and the large press conference. I can’t control my eyes when they land on her. Is she happy, does she think of me as much as I think of her, does she even think of me at all? Of course, she’s being Cate the Performer, and I have no idea how she’s really feeling. I tried to help her with her jacket before our first interview and she brushed me off. She didn’t even acknowledge the hand I placed on her knee. Then she grabbed my boob in the hallway just a few minutes ago and acted like it was a big joke. So I quietly observe her and know that it probably is useless to try to figure her out, she is and will forever remain an enigma to me.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've watched videos from Cannes and have always sensed that something was going on. If you haven't seen them, go back and watch. 
> 
> Keep reading, keep commenting, and I hope you keep enjoying.


	9. Coronation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you wanted Cate's perspective, I hope I did it justice.

_Cannes, May 2015_

            The credits rolled and the lights came on to thundering applause. I just sat there for a moment, my breath absolutely taken away by what I just saw on that screen. I had seen the rough-cut but it didn’t compare to this. I could barely breathe, my mother reached her hand over gave mine a reassuring squeeze and whispered, “Oh, that’s beautiful.” She had tears in her eyes and she didn’t have to say any more words to me, I knew how proud she was. I smiled at Todd and embraced him tightly. I shared his pride, the experience of making _Carol_ was special and it had translated on screen.   Finally, I met Rooney’s eyes across him and reached for her. I couldn’t say any words, I didn’t have any for how beautiful her performance was, how beautiful she was. I just reached over and awkwardly put my arms around her. I could feel Lisa’s gaze upon us, what the hell was that all about? I could tell that whatever had been going on today was not pleasing her but she had yet to say anything to me. I brushed it off, it was not as important as this moment. I felt the tears in my eyes, they were tears of pride but also tears of longing, because I realized what I had long suspected, that the connection I had with Rooney was incredible and one I was sure I would not have with another human being. The applause went on for so long, I was later told that lasted for about ten minutes, which had been the longest applause at Cannes so far.

            I don’t really remember any of it, it all seemed like a dream to me. We all walked out of the theater and made our way down the carpet. I only remember the moments Rooney and I had with clarity. I could feel an energy emanating off of Rooney as our hands were linked. Her finger brushed mine and it felt like a promise as we held on to each other in the middle of that grand carpet. The shouts, the noise, the flashes somehow disappeared and all I could hear was, “Our Love is Here to Stay” playing. Everything was far away and Rooney was all that I could see. I knew that I had a lot of talking to do on my part and I hoped we could somehow manage to find the time and privacy.  I didn’t get to speak to Rooney during the after party, she had hidden in the back with Francesca and barely drawn herself away enough to take an obligatory photo with me. I managed to whisper to her that she should come see me tonight.

            There is a knock at my door and I immediately get up to answer it, Rooney is like a skittish colt and I am afraid she will change her mind and run away. She is bare faced, her down loose around her shoulders, she is wearing baggy pants and a two-sizes too big hooded sweatshirt. I dare not try to embrace her but I do welcome her into my suite.  “Won’t you have a seat Rooney? I am so glad you came to see me.” I don’t know what to do with my hands so I walk over to make myself a vodka tonic. “Drink?”  Rooney shakes her head, not quite meeting my gaze.

            “Well, I guess I’d better just get on with it then.” Rooney’s eyes finally meet mine. “I’ve been a colossal jackass and I’ve handled things very badly.” I sit down across from her and can’t read what she’s thinking.  “No shit Blanchett, what the fuck gives?” Her eyes were shining and her voice was strong, leaving no doubt in my mind that she was upset.  “Well for starters, I am sorry and I miss you.” I hoped she could see how much I meant it.  She rose from the sofa and walked to the large windows overlooking the city below. It was several minutes before she finally turned to face me.

          “Is that all you can say? You go off and adopt a baby without thinking to at least tell me? Then you go and talk about ‘many women’? Was I just one of the many?” I put my drink down and go to her. I don’t dare touch her yet and I can feel the heat radiating off of her body.  “Rooney, listen to me. There have not been ‘many women.’ Only flirtations, dalliances at most but understand when I tell you, no one ever like you.” A tear falls down her cheek and I cannot help but wipe the wetness away with my thumb.  “I named her after you, you know, Edith Vivian Patricia.” Her hand comes up to cover mine, and all I want to do right now is kiss her, when she asks with a bit of hope in her voice, “Why?”  I paused when I answered, “It’s because, well… I …erm I like you.” _Tell her how you really feel,_ a little voice says in my head. It’s hard for me to go out on a limb, I am not comfortable with grandiose gestures. “I _like_ us together. Will you accept my apology? Please believe that I want there to be an us.” She sighed and removed my hand from her cheek, “Okay Cate, I’ll think about it.” She stepped away from me and walked to the door.

         The next day I suppose I had my answer when she left Cannes without a word.


	10. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you ever really move on from something that has turned your world upside down? Is it possible?

     The time seemed to pass very quickly since Cannes and soon both women were readying their lives for the upcoming promotion. Cate returned home to Sydney feeling almost alien in that she had never felt so out of place in her life. It took a lot of deep soul searching but she felt resolute in her decision to move on with the plans to end her marriage. Her affair with Rooney had changed her and she was a little bit saddened by her decision but she respected it and only hoped she was happy.

     Cate had a long overdue talk with Andrew about what she was really feeling and she realized that it had been quite awhile since she had been completely honest with him. Of course, he responded with the usual emotions one does when faced with a major change. He refused to admit that his feelings had changed towards her, although Cate knew that they had long before Rooney and he was threatened at the prospect of losing his comfortable lifestyle. Cate told him that she was not moving to LA and was resolute about not becoming involved in television. He became disappointed and he was hurt. They had been a team for so long and one of the reasons they were so successful, was because of him and their work together as a unit. They volleyed back and forth for several days, throwing accusations and blame until Cate withdrew into silence. She was not going to change her mind. Andrew came to her afterwards and agreed to try both the UK and the US. He also appealed to her soft side, he really knew exactly which buttons to push, and told her that he knew that the kids needed both parents. He also told her that he would “allow” her to have whatever fun she wanted and he would too, but he was not going anywhere.  

     Cate continued to make her plans to build her life in a manner that was separate from Andrew for the first time in eighteen years. They didn’t agree on much but they finally did agree that they were going to put their differences aside to be better parents for the children. Despite her current anger at and dislike for the man, she still would always love him as the father of her children and he remained one of her oldest friends. It was a big realization on her part but she knew that she had fundamentally changed beyond the point of no return. She came to the conclusion that she was not going settle for less. She didn’t doubt how much he loved his children and she wanted nothing more than for them to find a way to co-exist in the healthiest way possible.

 

     Rooney on the other hand, decided to try to get over what happened with Cate. She had time to really think about what Cate said at Cannes and she realized that she may have been unreasonable but she had already let her in too much and she just really needed a reason to stay away from her. She felt that between both of them, she was the one that was far more open with her feelings and she was done chasing. It hurt her to just walk away but she knew that she had to do it. She could no longer be the only one out on the limb because it was cold and precarious out there alone.

     Rooney concentrated her focus on her relationship with Charlie and wanted to try building something more with him. They were working on a movie together and she hoped their bond would become stronger because she always said that she wanted to work together with him on a movie before they had children. Rooney did her best to be what everyone expected, the supportive caring girlfriend. Her parents loved him, he was stable, and he loved Rooney through all of the past year even though she didn’t making it easy for him. He didn’t know about her indiscretion with Cate, in fact nobody did, they wouldn’t have understood, so she kept it all to herself hoping that her life would feel normal again.

     Rooney told herself that she was happy. She and Charlie had begun to settle in to the new house Rooney had just purchased in LA. That kept her busy, and every day she was able to put the affair farther behind her. It was just a fling and she had made it much more than what it was. It was her fault for being naïve and letting her feelings get in the way. It was something, she gave it that and yes they were on the same wavelength sexually but it was just that, sex. She did not allow herself to think about any of it. Right now was about moving on and living the life she had chosen. She told herself that she wanted what everyone else wanted for her, to get married and settle down and most days she believed it. 

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me hear it.


	11. Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever had that thing with someone that no matter what has happened between you, your heart just sort of stops. I certainly have...

 

     Fate, however, would have other plans for Cate and Rooney. Neither of them expecting or prepared to be staying at the same hotel in Manhattan’s SoHo District, The Crosby was a favorite of both women.

     Cate arrived in New York hoping for a quiet reprieve before she had to jump headfirst into promotion mode. She walked in to the trendy lobby wearing dark glasses, her hair up, dressed casually, and carrying her own bag. She had packed light and given her assistant a few days off as she was intending to stay alone before heading to LA. She walked in with her head down, not really in the mood to be recognized. She wanted to check in discretely and make her way to the suite she had rented but Cate was not going to get what she wanted. She could feel someone staring at her and when she finished, she couldn’t keep from looking up.

     Rooney had seen Cate when she walked in, she wasn’t sure if it was her at first. The younger woman had just walked down to the lobby and she couldn’t move from where she stood, it was as if she was rooted in the spot. She didn’t want to move, watching her was like waking up from a long dark slumber to see the sun rising for the first time.

     Their eyes met across the expanse of the space and everything seemed to melt into the background. At that moment, Rooney’s heart skipped a beat and some of her resolve to be over Cate weakened and she knew right then that she was either very lucky or she was screwed.

     It wasn’t really clear who made the first move but their feet carried them to one another.

     “Cate.”

     “Rooney.” They both said each other’s names simultaneously and smiled at their eagerness to talk.

     “It’s so nice to see you Cate, you are looking well.” Cate took her sunglasses off to really look at Rooney. It was so nice to be able to see her and Cate drank her all in.

     “You look good Rooney,” she unsettled her by looking deep into her eyes. “It’s been awhile, how are you?”

     “Great, things are really going great.” Did she just say great twice? “I’m great.” Okay now she said it three times. Could she be any less cool?? Cate smiled at this and if she noticed her awkwardness she didn’t show it.

     “Would you like to join me for dinner?”

     Rooney hesitated only a moment and replied, “I’m sorry Cate, but I have plans. Maybe some other time?”

    Cate tried to hide her disappointment but she realized that what happened between them was probably best left in the past.

     “Yes, some other time. It was so nice seeing you Rooney.” Cate gave Rooney a smile and watched as she walked out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rooney certainly has had a bit of a wrench thrown in her ordered life hasn't she.


	12. Reconnect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I came on too strong  
> Maybe I waited too long  
> Maybe I played my cards wrong  
> Oh, just a little bit wrong  
> Baby I apologize for it
> 
> I could fall, or I could fly  
> Here in your aeroplane  
> And I could live, I could die  
> Hanging on the words you say  
> And I’ve been known to give my all  
> And jumping in harder than  
> Ten thousand rocks on the lake
> 
> So don’t call me baby  
> Unless you mean it  
> Don’t tell me you need me  
> If you don’t believe it  
> So let me know the truth  
> Before I dive right into you
> 
> -Dive-Ed Sheeran

     Cate settled into her suite, with a bottle of wine and the novel she had been meaning to read for weeks now. She’d purposefully left all of her work put away and she tried not to think of how much there was. She had a couple of scripts that needed reading and she was planning to narrow down her choices of properties she had her eye on in the UK. Tonight however, was about quiet and introspection. She had her hair up, her pink wire rimmed glasses and had discarded her traveling clothes for those that were much more comfortable.

            The knock on her door came as a surprise and she made her way to peek out with caution. She didn’t have any words, when she looked out to find Rooney carrying two bags. Cate unlocked the door and opened it with a welcoming smile, “what happened to your plans?”

 

“You of all people know Cate, that plans can change.” There was an underlying meaning to her reply. Cate moved aside to let Rooney in to set the bags down.   


“I stopped at my favorite little place, I hope you don’t mind. I ordered a bit of everything.”

 

“It smells wonderful.” Cate’s smile was returned as she helped unpack the bags. Cate playfully nudged Rooney with her shoulder, “We’ll see, you just may make a vegan out of me yet.”

      

     They settled onto the floor, spreading the food all around them. They enjoyed themselves and settled into a comfort reminiscent of their earlier days together. The mood was relaxed and they were able to enjoy each other’s company, neither of them daring to revisit their rocky history and the tumultuousness of the past several months. They were both able to be in the moment, both recognizing that providence had somehow led them both to this point.

     There were just so many layers to their relationship, there was and would always be a raw attraction that neither of them understood, they both sort of accepted that aspect. What did continue to exist between them was a connection, a familiarity that far exceeded anything they had never experienced with anyone else.  

     Rooney looked at Cate appreciatively, she still found her so alluring and she could swear that her attractiveness had grown these past several months.   She found Cate in glasses to be incredibly sexy and she did her best to hide it. Cate was very magnetic and it was difficult not to look at her with stars in your eyes. When they were finished eating, they sat and enjoyed the bottle of wine, settling back into a tenuously flirtatious but easy banter.

     Cate could feel the energy coming off the younger woman. The fire that was coming from her eyes was hard to miss. She sat across from Rooney and she allowed herself to enjoy the looks she thought she was hiding. It had been awhile since she had feelings of anticipation and she was enjoying the younger woman’s attention.

     They sat in silence for a moment until Cate reached over for Rooney’s feet. She placed them on her lap and began to rub slow circles on the tops making her way to the inside of her heel above her ankle. She kept the pace slow, watching as Rooney’s eyes opened wider and her pupils dilated. Rooney’s breath began to quicken and Cate moved her eyes downward to her mouth. A red tongue darted out to lick plump lips, Cate wondered if they tasted as soft as she remembered. Cate continued her leisurely journey up to Rooney’s firm calf, she felt the hard muscle of her leg and she enjoyed the softness of her skin. Cate made her way farther up, tugging Rooney closer. The younger woman scooted closer to her, her dark eyes rising to roam over Cate’s face.

     Rooney knew what Cate was doing and she was starting to feel what little of her resolve she had left begin to crumble. She couldn’t give in to Cate so easily and so quickly because she knew that she would not recover from the inevitable heartbreak opening up to Cate again would no doubt cause. She drew in a strength she didn’t know she had and she put her hand on Cate’s, stilling her movements. She didn’t have to say what she was feeling, it was written on her face. Cate returned her look with understanding.

 

“Cate, I should go, it’s getting late.” Cate nodded as Rooney rose to gather her things, hurrying to the door. Cate followed her and put her hand on the knob. Before she opened it to let her out, the taller woman leaned over and gave Rooney a soft kiss on her forehead, “I had a good time tonight, thank you Rooney. ”

Rooney did not feel the need to speak, so she nodded, smiled softly letting herself out into the hallway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you can't help jumping in again. I hope Cate does the right thing this time.


	13. Masquerade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting interesting. Do you think they deserve a second chance? Do we really have a choice when it comes to love?
> 
> This really happened at NYFF, Todd said they were "stuck" in traffic. This is my take on what could've happened...

_October 2015_

           

     The promotion for _Carol_ began in full force. The team seemed to enjoy the atmosphere and the pride that they had about their film showed. After their dinner together, Cate sent Rooney a couple of texts telling her she was thinking about her. What began in New York was a renewed sense of connection but there was now an unspoken agreement that they take it slow. Rooney was still extremely hesitant to jump headfirst back into any sort of entanglement with Cate but she was enjoying the attention from her.

     It was becoming difficult for both women to try and hide what was going on from anyone. It was evident the night of the premiere at the New York Film Festival when Cate saw Rooney on the red carpet and she gave her a lingering hug. Rooney was alone backstage when she turned to find Cate walking towards her. There was no mistaking the look in her eyes.

     Cate had a couple of drinks before the appearance to calm her nerves. These past days she had alone to think combined with reconnecting to Rooney had her emotions all over the place. She knew it was going to be difficult to completely hide what she was feeling and when she saw Rooney on that carpet, her heart swelled and she felt a stirring deep in her gut. She also felt the longing and desire for her.  Cate had really tried to continue on as she was before Rooney but she realized that she didn't want to.  Cate was feeling loose and braver than usual, she didn't want to tread on eggshells any longer.  She missed Rooney and she wanted to touch her more than anything right now.  She loved what Rooney had chosen to wear, she really liked seeing her in black.   So she decided to take advantage of being alone with Rooney. She walked up to her intending to act on what she was feeling. She wordlessly took her hand and led her to a dark corner farther away from anyone so they were not going to be interrupted.

     Rooney allowed Cate to move close to her and she kept ahold of her hand. Cate’s hand was soft, cool and very sure. She just stared deep into Rooney’s eyes and Rooney lost herself in the blue depths of Cate’s. Cate’s intention was clear when she dipped her head, cautiously at first, because she didn’t want Rooney to run away. The past week had been leading up to this moment, their texts and calls taking a very intimate tone to them. Rooney continued to keep Cate at arm’s length but she did loosen a bit often responding to and returning the older woman’s flirtations.

     Cate could smell Rooney’s lips and they smelled like peaches. She really wanted to taste her but she wanted Rooney to make the decision to close the distance between them. So Cate continued to hold her near and stare intently into her eyes, their lips inches apart. The air between them was very electrified, the energy coming from Cate’s eyes was nothing compared to the looks Carol bestowed upon Therese. This look had substantially more longing because unlike Carol and Therese in the beginning, Cate and Rooney had experienced one another completely and in every sense.

     Rooney felt like she always did in Cate’s arms, her senses were overtaken, she didn’t know exactly where she ended and Cate began. Maybe it was the height difference but she also felt very protected. There was also a new dynamic at play with Rooney being the one in control. Rooney always typically allowed her to make the first move, to take the lead, to guide her. This felt very different, she knew the decision was hers when and if she was going to take things further. She liked the power and it gave her confidence to reach up and pull Cate’s head down to meet her lips. Rooney’s lips were sure and they demanded that Cate keep up with the intensity and pace of the kiss. Cate’s mouth was warm and incredibly familiar. They were so lost in one another; neither woman heard their introductions and Todd had to make the excuse of them “being stuck in traffic.”

     Rooney allowed her true self to come out during most of the appearances, she just couldn’t seem to hide just how much she was enamored by Cate. It didn’t hurt the promotion of the film one bit, most critics and reviews pointing out their incredible chemistry. Cate flirted with Rooney and seemed to enjoy the admiration that she couldn’t seem to hide. For most people in the audiences that saw them, they believed it was just acting and part of the promotion. Their back and forth served as a bit of a turn on for Cate, she loved what she called, “hiding in plain sight.” Of course their respective PR teams were working overtime and earning the exorbitant fees that they were getting paid to play up the magnetism but to keep the truth behind it out of print.  

     Those around Rooney began to notice and suspect that the way she behaved towards Cate was not simply acting for the sake of promoting the film. She had begun to act different towards Charlie, distancing herself from him. It was becoming more and more difficult for her to go on pretending, it just went against the very core of her. Her parents, especially her father, had noticed the changes in her behavior. Neither of them dared say anything, they knew that Rooney was headstrong and that she would just withdraw continuing whatever it was she was doing. So everyone around her continued to just observe from afar, not entirely convinced one way or the other just what was going on with Rooney.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me hear it. I want to know if you think Rooney is letting Cate off the hook too easy. Does Cate mean it this time or is it still casual?


	14. Reciprocation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cate seems to have taken a step forward...finally.

_November 2015_

     Rooney allowed herself to be swept along all through the promotion in New York and shortly after in London. She felt the most at ease during this time as she ever had and she looked forward to each appearance with excitement because she knew she would get to be near Cate. She felt that what they began in New York was deeper than before but she still wasn’t entirely sure of what Cate’s intentions were or what she herself was going to do, but she also knew that both of their lives were complicated and whatever was going to happen would happen, so she was going to try to take it day by day.

     Cate was thrilled with the responses the was receiving from critics about but also from people in the audiences. Cate was pleased that Rooney had allowed her to be a part of her life again.  None of Rooney’s past insecurities seemed to be evident nor any of the pressures for her attention.   Although she was thankful for that, she made more of an effort to really show Rooney this time was going to be different. They spent a lot of time on the phone talking and texting. She tried to make Rooney understand that things at home were still in major upheaval and she couldn’t make any promises about the future. Rooney did not make any demands for more than what was happening, she just wanted to be connected to her.

      They hadn’t kissed again since New York and London had been so crazy that they didn’t have the opportunity to be alone. They were in LA and Cate felt in insatiable desire to be with her. She was becoming impatient; she was ready for things to move forward.  When Cate set her sights on something she wanted, she pursued it fervently. Cate wanted to show Rooney that she cared for her and she thought of no better way than to allow her to start to become a bigger part of her life. Rooney had met the boys in Cincinnati and they seemed to get on well at the time.

 

  * _Hey, you. What are you doing right now?---C_



  * _I am not doing anything right now, why?---R_



  * _Would you like to join the kids and me for brunch?---C_



     Rooney read the text and her stomach fluttered. Cate wanted her to spend time with her children? Rooney felt surprised but she also felt happy that Cate was finally willing to share more of herself. Rooney had long given up fighting whatever it was that was happening between them again.   Rooney’s mind wandered a bit and she didn’t reply to Cate’s text immediately.

 

  * _You don’t have to but you we’d really love for you to join us if you decide to.---C_



  * _It would mean a lot to me.---C_ (this came immediately after the other).



     Rooney knew that Cate tended to ramble on when she was nervous and she found it endearing that this invitation made her that way. It was nice to know what Cate was feeling for once and it made Rooney even more willing to take a chance on her.

 

  * _I’d like that. See you soon. :) ---R_



 

Rooney arrived less than an hour later, dressed casually, feeling far more nervous for this than even her toughest audition. She did her best to appear calm because she knew that kids could sense unease but when Cate opened the door wearing jeans, a snug button up shirt tucked in, accentuating her slender waist and her hair wavy around her shoulders, Rooney knew that she was going to have to try even harder because seeing her looking so normal made her pulse quicken.   Cate was stunning on a red carpet but Rooney found her even more so without makeup, in her natural beauty. Cate’s smile of welcome made the corner of her eyes crinkle and Rooney was completely captivated. Cate welcomed her with a warm hug, whispering in her ear “I wish I could kiss you right now.” Rooney squeezed her tighter in agreement and her hand lingered on her waist longer than necessary.

     Rooney immediately greeted the boys and was surprised at how easy it was to be with all of them. She noticed that Cate seemed to make an extra effort to ensure everyone was comfortable. She went out of her way especially where Rooney was concerned, ordering her something she knew she would like and making sure to keep her included in all that she was doing.

     The younger two children didn’t seem to mind their new guest. Iggy completely open and comfortable, settling in immediately calling Rooney “Roon.” Dash on the other hand, was a little more reserved, quiet and just observing the younger woman. Rooney felt like he could see right into her soul and it made her a little uneasy. It was like he knew and sensed what was really going on between them. But Rooney knew that it was probably just her imagination and she did her best to be friendly with him. Edith very quickly connected with Rooney and demanded that she hold her in her arms through most of the meal. Rooney did not mind at all, she actually found herself really enjoying the feeling of holding the soft, warm, little body next to her and she felt none of her usual discomfort when holding a baby. Rooney fit right in to the chaos and she had a natural affinity for the children that was evident particularly with her younger two. Rooney was generous with her attention and she made an effort to share her time with everyone, Cate included. Although it was difficult for the younger woman to keep her hands off of Cate, when all she wanted to do was touch her in some way, she allowed her eyes to roam over Cate frequently in a way she knew that had an effect on her.

     Cate realized later that her feelings for Rooney only solidified and deepened after that morning. She really didn’t know how to express in words how she felt. She just knew that the result of today had been beyond her expectations. She ended up coming as close as she ever had to a grand declaration when at the SAG-AFTRA panel she blurted, “watching you, I mean I fell in love with you…I mean…” For a moment Cate was embarrassed and always Rooney managed to bring out a different side of her. The audience thought it was Cate was trying to be funny but when she met Rooney’s look, they both knew it was not a joke. Cate watched Rooney and she thought, _she’d probably think I’ve gone mad if she knew all I wanted to do was look at her for the rest of my life._ It made her nervous throughout the panel and she couldn’t keep her hands still, putting her hair up several times and she couldn’t seem to decide what to do with her coffee cup but she was also incredibly happy, which was something she hadn’t been in quite awhile. 

 


	15. Priorities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are still with me. I got a little busy and also had a bit of writer's block. But I am back and hope to update more regularly.

     After the promotion time in LA, both Rooney and Cate had even less time to connect. Cate returned to be with her family and Rooney returned to New York for one more appearance. Neither woman had an opportunity to be alone together much less talk in depth. Rooney was sure that this was what she wanted but she wasn’t prepared to make any major changes with her life. She felt that the status quo was for the best at this moment.

     In the past, her family had large gatherings for the holidays but this year she decided that she was going to spend Thanksgiving in L.A. to reflect on the past year and to be in her own space. Things felt different this year and she really didn’t want to be around many people. Her relationship with Charlie had taken a strange turn. Rooney had not been very available for much with him and she rarely checked in to see how he was doing. She hadn’t seen him and the last time they spent any meaningful time together was several weeks before. He was very busy with pre-production of the film and she really didn’t even know if he noticed how little time she was with him. Charlie had never been particularly one to need constant attention or validation from her and that is one of the things that worked about their relationship. They both functioned best with solitude and each of them needed more space alone than time together.

     Rooney didn’t really have a explanation for what was happening with Cate and her feelings towards her were complicated. She still was wildly attracted to her, that probably was never going to disappear but she was also very conscious of the potential to be hurt again. She knew that letting her in again would feel amazing and it would be one heck of a rollercoaster ride but she knew that just as high as she would soar, the fall would be even most devastating. It was typical of Rooney to go all in on any endeavor, whether it was a project, a part or a relationship. She did not believe in halfway or partially committing to something, so she gave her decision a lot of thought.

     December was uneventful and unfortunately Rooney was no closer to a resolution. Rooney’s parents had practically begged her to return home for the holidays so she and Charlie spent it with them in New York. She didn’t want to and eventually had relented but this year it was a little more difficult for her to engage in the festivities around her. The fact that Cate only sent her a quick text did not improve her mood. She expected a little bit more from her given the past several weeks and the fact that she still continued to feel like a distant second in Cate’s life was a major issue that was holding her back. It affected her holiday and her interactions with her family and Charlie. She was curt with her answers and she couldn’t wait for all of it to be over so that she could retreat to solitude.

     Her father noticed her preoccupation with her cellphone and her sullen mood. He knew typically Rooney was usually quiet but this was different. This behavior was so different that it compelled him to try to speak to her privately. He stopped her outside of the room she was staying in.

 

“Hi, sweetheart. I’ve noticed that you’ve been quiet, is there something bothering you?” He was trying to be helpful and Rooney really loved him for that but she was not about to pour her heart out to her father of all people.

“No, I’m fine just a little tired.” She tried be casual and hoped that he would just leave her alone.

“Tricia, your mom and I have been worried about you. We’ve think you’ve changed especially since you returned from London.”

“Really Dad, I’m okay.” Just then her phone rang and her face lit up. She couldn’t hide it quick enough.

“I have to take this call. Everything is fine, I swear. Love ya.” He didn’t buy it the minute she said it and especially not after he heard his daughter say “Hi Cate,” as she walked in the room and left him standing out in the hallway.

           

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's going on with Rooney? I think we've all been there. It's almost like before we take the leap off the cliff right?


	16. Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone so long. You know how life can become complicated...  
> Thank you so much to my loyal readers and thank you for sticking with me.

_LA, February 26, 2016, Morning_

            The day began for Rooney like any other typical day. She had gone out with Charlie briefly the evening before but had claimed exhaustion and had returned to her room alone shortly before midnight. She hadn’t thought twice about lying to Charlie, what she really wanted to do was be alone to call Cate. They had spent many hours Face-Timing and texting with the tone of them taking on an increasing sexual turn. Somehow, Rooney had let down most of her walls and she had allowed Cate back in. Now it wasn’t a matter of if she was going to sleep with her again, it was a matter of when. Cate had been attentive, open and surprisingly available which only made Rooney want to be with her more. Rooney thought that this was what an addiction must feel like because she found herself constantly chasing the high that was Cate. She almost didn’t care what anyone thought, if they knew or what anyone saw.   She was lost in thought when she heard a knock at her door. She wasn’t expecting anyone and she knew it couldn’t be Charlie.

            Rooney made her way to the door, looked through the peephole and was surprised to find her father on the other side of the door. She had missed a couple of calls from him the night before but she figured he was calling to finalize their plans for the next day at the Oscars because he was going to be her plus one on the red carpet.

“Daddy, hi. What are you doing here so early?,” She rose up on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek as she let him into her suite.

“I’m glad you are alone. Patricia, we need to talk.” He looked serious and Rooney led him further into the room with some trepidation because he never called her by her given name.

            They both sat facing each other and Chris didn’t even let her sit down completely when he began, “your mother and I are worried about you. I am worried about you.” He looked serious and Rooney knew that this was a big deal for him.

“Daddy, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Rooney tried to make light of it and flashed him what she thought was a carefree smile and placed her hand on top of his.

“I’m just going to say it then, what on earth is going on with Cate Blanchett?” She couldn’t control her face for the briefest of seconds and she knew her father had seen it. She stood up and walked to the mini bar to get herself a bottle of water, anything to keep her hands busy and to prevent her father from looking in her eyes when she said the next thing. She had never lied to her father but she finally realized that she would do anything to protect what she had with Cate.

“We’re in a movie together, we’ve become friends.” She hoped she was convincing as she kept herself busy with the bottle.

“Friends? Really ?” He didn’t hide the incredulity from his voice as he continued. He stood up to face her, “She’s a married woman who is much older than you are. Nothing good can come of it .”

Something about the way he said that with such judgment in his voice. _If only he could see what I see,_ she thought. She had a little more steel in her voice and was able to reply with conviction, “Don’t concern yourself Dad, there is nothing for you to worry about. We are friends, that’s it, but if there was something going on, I know what I’m doing.”

He shook his head and softly said, “you weren’t raised to lie and behave this way. I really hope you do know what you’re doing, for your sake…” He walked away and softly closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe they haven't been as transparent as they'd hoped? 
> 
> There are some Oscars Red Carpet videos that show Chris Mara none to pleased with Cate.


	17. Adoration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all to my faithful readers. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

_LA, February 26, 2016, Late Night_

Cate made her way to her bungalow feeling so many different emotions including disappointment, anger, relief and also excitement. The latter coming in anticipation of what was hopefully to come. Cate didn’t get much of a chance to really talk to Rooney at the ceremony and when they both found themselves briefly alone before she presented. Rooney in her typical fashion had very little to say, instead she pressed her body close to hers and whispered, “you look beautiful, tonight you are all mine.” Cate could hardly keep herself focused after that, she had been waiting for so long and for Rooney to make the first move had also proven to be quite a turn on.

            Cate let herself in and prepare for Rooney’s arrival. Cate had butterflies in her stomach and couldn’t recall the last time she felt this way. She was almost like a school girl and she felt wonderful. She scrubbed her face clean, put on her favorite Smiths t-shirt and a worn pair of shorts. She heard a knock several minutes later and found Rooney similarly dressed on her doorstep.

            Cate’s breath was taken away and she nervously let her in. She knew every inch of Rooney and Rooney knew every inch of her but somehow this felt like the first time.  

“I’m glad you’re here Rooney.” Rooney just watched her intensely, not saying a word, her intent evident by the look of hunger in her eyes.

Rooney vowed tonight was going to be different. Tonight belonged to them, no need to rush or hurry.

            Rooney moved forward and wrapped her arms around Cate, raised up on her tiptoes and placed her lips on Cate’s neck. The kiss was soft, slow and ever so tender. She tried to tell her what she couldn’t in words. Cate could sense her tempo and she was more than willing to savor the moment with her. It was torture, as Rooney slowly licked a trail from her neck to her collarbone. When Rooney broke the kiss, Cate put her finger under her chin, looked in her eyes and asked quietly, “Have I ever told you how breathtaking you are Ms. Mara?”

           Rooney smiled, flashing that dimple on her right cheek.   It had been awhile since Cate had seen it, so she moved her hand from behind her chin and traced the indention with her index finger. “You make me feel beautiful Cate.” Rooney’s eyes were so clear and her voice was honest. “I’m sorry about everything, Cate I…” Cate stopped her with a finger to her lips, “Shhh, that is all in the past. Let’s not worry ourselves with that.”

          She reached up, removed Cate’s glasses, folded them and put them on the table beside them. Rooney traced her fingers along the side of her eyes, over her cheekbones, down over her chin, as if memorizing every detail with her touch.

 

     “I’d really like to kiss you Rooney, may I?” It wasn’t really a question because Cate already knew the answer. Rooney quietly nodded, put her hands on either side of Cate’s head and met soft lips eagerly with her own. It had been far too long and she tried to show her how much she desired her.

            Cate’s lips parted and Rooney ran her tongue all along the inside of her mouth, scraping her teeth over her lower lip. Cate let out a soft whimper and she broke the kiss. “Let me make love to you Rooney, I want to show you how much I need you.” Rooney did not reply, instead she took Cate by the hand and led her to the large queen sized bed. The shorter woman led and gently pushed Cate to sit on the bed while she remained standing. Her hot mouth came down on Cate’s and she showed set the tempo and pace.

The only sounds that existed in the dim room were the sighs coming from the petite woman as she allowed Cate to undress her. Cate used her hands to deftly explore every curve and slope of Rooney’s body. Each touch was like a new discovery for it had been far too long since they both allowed themselves time.

            Rooney was naked from the waist up and Cate soon finished her exploration with her hands and continued it with her mouth. She licked every inch of Rooney’s creamy pale skin, leaving no area untouched. “This is my favorite spot, right here. Do you like it when I kiss you there, Baby?” Cate asked huskily as she licked the space between Rooney’s breasts with her wet tongue. All Rooney could do was nod, pressing her hands harder onto Cate’s blonde head. Her heart soared at hearing the name come from the Cate’s lips, she thought the only time she would ever hear that word uttered was in her dreams.

            The younger woman was becoming impatient; she wanted to give as much pleasure as she was receiving, so she guided Cate’s mouth back up to her own. She reached over and pulled the t-shirt up over Cate’s head, grateful that Cate was naked underneath. She continued her assault on her mouth, kissing her with months of pent up desire and passion. She briefly broke the kiss to stare into Cate’s eyes, hoping that every emotion she was feeling was translated. She put her hands on Cate’s bare shoulders, holding herself up as she allowed Cate to push her pants down her legs. She watched as Cate licked her lips, Rooney’s glistening sex, level with her mouth. Cate put her long strong hands on her waist and drew her in closer to nudge her with her nose. She breathed her in deeply, Rooney could feel the intake of air on her sensitive skin, “Mmmm.” Cate couldn’t resist softly sampling Rooney’s taste with the very tip of her tongue. Rooney’s head fell back, leaving her unable to even form words or to beg Cate for more.

            The blonde woman was incredibly restrained as she continued to dip the tip of her tongue between her folds, holding back and not quite sliding her tongue all the way in. Rooney’s fingers were digging in to her shoulders and her breaths came out in little pants. “Cate…please…I need you.”

Cate obliged Rooney not wanting to deny her anymore. She guided her hips as she settled down on the bed. She showed Rooney how she wanted her positioned with her thighs on either side of her face, sitting up, facing forward. For a moment, the younger woman was hesitant, not sure of herself but she looked down meeting confident aqua eyes. She settled in and allowed Cate to guide her, setting the pace as she generously made love to her with her mouth.

            Cate was enjoying herself immensely, she felt very aroused at the ecstasy she was giving Rooney. She could feel that Rooney was very close and she wanted to draw her pleasure out. Rooney rode her mouth freely without any inhibitions; she was almost on another plane of existence when she reached back with her right hand, sliding it in under Cate’s shorts. She was about to explode but she wanted to carry Cate over the edge with her. She played with Cate’s tiny nub as she moved her body back and forth on Cate’s ravenous mouth until neither of them could hold back any longer both simultaneously wracked with powerful tremors.

            When they both caught their breaths and returned to their senses, Rooney moved to lie on top of Cate, nestled in her arms. As she listened to Cate’s heartbeat, feeling safe, she closed her eyes and fell into a deep content sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally...


	18. Freefall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I continue or not? What do you all think? I didn't hear much after the last chapter.

The hours seemed to pass very quickly, neither woman in a hurry to see their time together end. Both women did not have any obligations so they were free to be together. Cate was serious when she told Rooney that this time was going to be different. She felt confident that continuing to allow Rooney to see her regular day-to-day self would show her just how serious she was about her.   
They spent the next morning in bed, leisurely exploring and rediscovering each other. Each time they touched, there was a feeling of deep familiarity but there was also a newness every time. Cate never realized that Rooney was extremely ticklish and began to thoroughly enjoy hearing her tiny giggles. She was also astonished at the trust that Rooney placed in her in this short period of time. Cate was a little self-conscious over the fact that she was feeling pretty exhausted after exerting herself so much in so little time.  
Rooney felt a sense of calm and a stirring deep in her heart every time she touched Cate. She swore to herself that she was not going to let her in again but she found that she really had very little power over it after all. It felt inevitable and destined that they would find their ways back to each other. She sensed that Cate was different and this time she felt like it was more than just sex, at least she hoped it was. She wasn’t sure what the future was going to hold, there was still so much in flux, but she was going allow herself to connect to Cate.  
Neither woman wanted to leave the comfort and security of the little bubble they created around themselves. They ate when they were hungry and spent the day in proximity of one another, finding ways to keep some sort of physical contact. Rooney had donned Cate’s Clash t-shirt, which she knew she would never give back, as she listened to her husky voice read aloud from a well worn Walt Whitman book she had lying next to the bed. Rooney teased her telling her that she didn’t strike her as the mystery novel type. Cate could read from a book of economics and the sound of her voice would still send a shiver of excitement down her spine.   
They talked about a variety of subjects and topics, both trivial and meaningful. Cate regaled her with stories of her early days in drama school and about her insecurities and fears at the beginning of her career. Rooney quietly, almost shyly, confided in her that she had the absolute biggest crush on her when she saw her in Elizabeth. This was very flattering to Cate, if not a little embarrassing, so she covered by pulling Rooney into a hug and kissing her senseless. She nuzzled Rooney’s nose with her own and told her that she knew that since Santa Barbara and she admitted that she had fantasized about Lisbeth Salander a time or two.   
That evening, both women found themselves out in the outdoor balcony enjoying the cool Los Angeles night. Cate was seated upright and Rooney was lying down with her head resting on Cate’s lap. Cate talked about her family and Rooney talked about what it was like growing up in Bedford. Rooney felt very safe as Cate gently played with her hair when she asked, “tell me about your earliest memory.”  
Cate hesitated, her hands stilled for a brief moment as she took in a deep breath. She relaxed a little and let her mind drift back to memories she hadn’t allowed herself to visit for years. 

“I was must’ve been about three years old, it was Summertime I think, my parents decided to load us up in the car and drive us along the coast to Great Ocean Road. I don’t remember much about the drive there or really how long we stayed. What I do remember is my father holding me in his arms, we were standing alone away from the crowd and he said, ‘you see Catherine,’ he always called me Catherine. He said, ‘you see Catherine, how far that water stretches? That’s how much I will always love you.’ I really don’t remember what else he said or anything else that happened after that. It took me awhile before I was able to go back there.” Rooney noticed that Cate sort of drifted off and quieted for a while, lost in the memory. Cate then seemed to return to the moment and finished with, “well, the place is notorious for sharks and I don’t think they’d get on well with me.”   
Rooney knew what this cost her and she felt very thankful for the leap that Cate just took. Rooney sat up, put both her hands on Cate’s face and gently placed her lips on hers. Rooney knew then in that particular moment, with absolute clarity, that she had finished falling headfirst in love with Catherine Elise Blanchett.


End file.
